Ep11: Dating In America with Martin + Heidi Hernandez
Episode Summary:
Sarina talks with Heidi and Martin Hernandez about their love story, along with their advice on dating and marriage, in this “Dating in America” podcast.
Raw Transcript:
Speaker 1
0:00
I'm Sarina Fazan, taking a risk, making a difference, and changing the course of your life. Remarkable stories from people defying the odds. You're listening to Trailblazer. Hi, everyone, I'm soaring up is on and you're listening to Trailblazer. Thank you so much for joining us. We are talking about dating in America and loving America. And we're talking about this topic. Thanks so much to all of you because I am basing my podcast on what people are interested in. And joining me right now are Martin and Heidi Hernandez. We really appreciate it. We're in their home. We are in their home in Tampa, Florida. And again, this is one of my first podcasts on the road. So please, please, please do not mind all of this stuff. For those who are just listening. I'm talking about all the wires on their counter. And so anyway, back to the story. We were on a Facebook Live when I realized it wasn't a recording but now we're recording. So Martin Hernandez, you met your wife in 2001 in January. Correct. And what happened? You just knew immediately.
Speaker 2
1:03
Not necessarily immediately I wanted, I knew that this is someone I would want to get to know better and get to be with and, frankly, start dating. I knew that I'm not gonna say I knew within the first two hours is the one woman I want to spend the rest of my life with. But it didn't take much longer than a couple hours.
1:21
Okay, so And for those who watched on Facebook Live, but how to God, how do men know Do men really know? Men really do know? What is
1:29
it though? I mean, is it what is real men?
Speaker 2
1:33
Well, I think men that know what the frankly have been out and no people and they understand what they're looking for. Are they looking for, you know, someone to bring home to mom and say, Hey, this is the someone that's going to be a good catch. For me. This is going to be the future mother of my children. Yeah, well, you know, it's true. I mean, it depends on what you're looking for. I mean, look, it
1:58
depends on the age too. depends on the age. How old were you guys? How old were you guys?
2:03
25 Okay, so yeah, we know, you know, young is bad would say.
2:13
Yes. Okay. Yeah, he did say that.
2:17
And his dad, by the way is so delightful. I've had a chance to say hi to you.
Speaker 2
2:21
But I think it depends on where you are in your life. If you're 1819 and you're just looking for someone to date and pass the time and have fun with that's one part of your life. But if you're looking for, hey, I want to settle down what what do I want to be with? So I want to be someone that was adventurous or are you wanting to be with someone who is as much of a go getter as you are, you know, if the women I dated before we were career driven, and I was still in law school, it was not she was in her master's in education journey. She already
2:51
Yeah, just a lottery and a master's degree.
Speaker 2
2:56
She already had finished her law degree. She went back words for a master Is that okay? But
3:02
that's a whole nother that's a whole nother topic.
Speaker 2
3:04
But she, we I knew what I wanted. I wanted someone that I yeah, I think we both did we were in a good place in our lives where we knew where we wanted someone to spend the rest of our lives with what were we looking for and, you know, spouse, what type of you know, did I want to have a good mother? I mean, look, let's be honest, how many guys were Oh, I want a trophy wife. Well, let me just tell you what the truth is if you ever
3:31
know this,
3:32
but there's more. There's more males.
3:35
There's more to it than just a trophy. No, but if but if you're just looking for a trophy wife and I've talked to other guys about this, they flat out say you just guaranteed your children and be stupid.
3:47
Wow.
3:49
I don't know this is what you know what this is what I love about podcasts and this is what I think you are
4:00
She's more than just a trophy. So smart. She is. Oh, that's just my opinion.
4:07
So to see you have talked to your male friends about my girlfriends, okay, and they have said, because she's gonna sit down. Tell me what your male friend said.
Speaker 2
4:22
Okay, like, Are you looking for a long term investment with a with a wife? Or are you looking forward someone just for now or what are you looking for? If you're looking for someone who's going to be a good mother, she's sitting there laughing I'm a good mother great mom is when you look for someone caring someone who is adventurous, someone who likes to have fun to see what their moms look like. So you know what they look like? Oh, I know when I would did joke with my wife about that. You know
4:52
that true? I mean, is that honestly true that men do do that like they look at that?
4:57
Yeah, some men will absolutely
4:59
destroy coming out. I
Speaker 2
5:01
know, guys, I've said I've joked around with my wife it wasn't a deal breaker But hey, but you said my mom was hot. She is hot. You're gonna look like
5:11
I didn't say this but no but look, my major was financing I have a degree in accounting. Beauty is a depreciating asset. If you're a guy, you least you lease those you don't buy them. Okay? Because you need more than just oh no
5:33
this is okay. All right. Okay, so please keep on going because you know a lot of my girlfriends and a lot of my friends. A lot of my friends know honestly this is but if you think about it, the the the the inside of a man's mind. Okay, so go ahead.
Speaker 2
5:48
You need to bring more to the table than just looks if you're a woman. You cannot just sit there and just say well, I'm pretty wide on I have a boyfriend or husband. You need to bring something more to the table. You gotta be able to actually communicate and actually express your feelings and listen to him and reciprocate and actually engage in conversation. You can't just sit there and just say, Well, I'm pretty I should have a guy. No, the guys will get bored.
6:15
No, no, no, this is not what we're saying. And Heidi, I mean, what did you consider your husband like this? Like, oh, like, would you just want to you want to know, like, your podcast is not long enough to talk to this guy. Oh, this is like, Hey, this is fantastic. Okay, so they've met January 5 2001. Correct. Right, right. No, no, wait, this is Believe me. This is great.
6:44
So that may may 1, may 1, have that same year you propose? How did your parents feel? You guys barely in their eyes today? You know, yelling at each other? Right. Let me rewind back to her father. Her father's answer was, are you sure? That was his answer? Because I spoiled that girl rotten. Yeah. And I said no, I'm certain sir. And he's like, oh, there
Speaker 3
7:07
was so profusely washing dishes dishes. And they and and his parents, they and everyone the entire family and I get it now because honestly if my dreams were to come and say, Oh, I found after four months I would smack them silly like No way.
Speaker 2
7:29
I would say you're an idiot. Yeah, I flat out said no, we weren't but I can't say it was a failure. It worked out for us.
Speaker 3
7:35
I mean, it really worked out for us. We're very, very lucky. What isn't just like, like, I don't you know, it's not just luck, right as we've been around the ball.
Speaker 2
7:48
It takes more than that because we all we always work together Heidi and I even if,
Speaker 3
7:52
even if we, honey before that. I mean, I think because we had been, you know We had dated before we even have to do that. And I think Martin was in a certain place in his life. I was certainly in a certain place in my life where I knew exactly what I wanted, man. And I was very at that point in my life, after law school and then going back and say, No, I'm going to be a high school teacher. This is what I want my life. And Martin going through his own struggles, right? I'm going to be a lawyer and his family not so much supporting, right? Yeah. Okay. He's like, I'm gonna do this. And then we just met each other at the perfect time, where we didn't need to have anyone. Well, that was my next question to you guys. Do you feel? Do you feel maybe more so for women than men? I don't know. That's why I'm asking the question. Do you feel that timing does factor in?
Speaker 2
8:54
Yes. Oh, yeah. If I had met Heidi four years earlier, or even three years earlier, Yeah, even a year earlier, no way.
Speaker 1
9:02
So you guys feel as a combination of timing, who you know who you click with? I honestly, I do honestly feel though, and honestly, again, correct me if I'm wrong, right? So we're just talking about this, I feel that sometimes women have a tendency maybe to be enamored more quickly or, you know, like the guy more quickly and think, Oh, this is the guy where guys don't typically do that. But when they do,
Speaker 3
9:28
it typically is where it really truly is the one they do I think they like, fall hard and, and, I mean, I can only speak for myself, but I, I was that person. I was more about myself. I had gone through a lot and I was like, I am here for myself. Maybe I'll get married. Maybe I won't. Maybe I'll have children like, I think Martin always says like he would meet women and they wanted To get married that Mrs. degree Yeah, and I was never like that I I didn't even know I wanted children. So when I met Martin, it was like, so you knew you I knew
Speaker 2
10:18
he is one of our movies that we love to quote, it was magic. Oh, we knew instantly.
10:24
Yeah. So how how would you guys say you knew instantly so January 5 2000. We say
Speaker 3
10:29
it's not you know how they say love it for saying we always say love it first date. Oh, really great date. And it just, I just kind of flew from there, but we
Speaker 2
10:43
were both clicking that nice. Ya know?
10:46
So 17 years later, you know, barriers together.
Speaker 1
10:50
Yeah, happily married. So, and I and I know and you and I have talked about this too. We actually had a long discussion the other day about Every marriage can go through, you know, ups and downs, or every relationship every friendship, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. Yeah, but so what what is the secret to a successful marriage? Like you? You clearly had the chemistry. Yeah, you know that you were attracted at the beginning you guys got married very quickly within four months. Well, good sex is number.
Speaker 2
11:24
See, the inverse is not true. I'll see I'll say you'll get lucky tonight. That's okay. You can you can say no, but that's definitely a big factor. is huge, but you guys really think it is I mean, you know, a lot of distance we can talk about anything here and kidding me, you know, I'm asked is it's it's a huge it's a huge, it is I think it is a big factor is I mean, let's be honest. I mean, even in almost every religion, it's it's a factor. I mean, they endorse it. So we can have children. I mean, that's the reason why you do it. No, but Honey, I mean, listen, I'm just saying marriage in general that no, no, no, but I'm a lawyer, you can turn that off.
Speaker 1
12:09
Very, very interesting. I know. Like, there's different people in the world that think different things, but fundamentally, yes, most people think, you know, you get married to do that.
12:18
Yes. Yeah, I think also, it's who you choose to be in the foxhole with There you go.
12:25
Right. I exactly what I'm talking about. I'm a huge believer in love. So I am, whoever you love.
12:33
I am a supporter of Absolutely. But going back to that issue and intimacy,
Speaker 2
12:39
right. What you talked about to you, and there's more to intimacy than just sex? Yeah, just I mean, holding hands going on walks. I still call her almost every single day around 11 o'clock in the morning, how's your day? How's your day? What are you doing?
12:56
Because it's just something that you know, is like, that's like a writer. I know.
12:59
That's good time that I know that sometimes
13:01
he wants peanut butter. Yeah, I'll come home.
13:07
Heidi, our daughter is watching.
13:12
Oh, no.
Speaker 2
13:17
So we, I have I have almost 3000 followers on most of my clients and doctors and other providers. It's okay to change their code. Yes, thank you, Heidi. I gotta go.
Speaker 2
13:38
Yeah, great. I'm just I just guaranteed a jar of Peter Pan peanut butter sitting on my desk tomorrow morning. No, but I mean, there's more to it than just that. It's just the actual actors listening to each other. We always some of our conversations because with kids and work and you know, whatever study We usually actually talk the most when we're laying down in bed right before we go to bed. And we talked for 20 3040 minutes and just sit there and actually
14:12
Yes, we have parents.
14:15
Seriously.
Speaker 2
14:17
It's okay. Now this explains why we have two children 11 months apart.
14:20
Yes, they do have two children are Irish twins are often known. Yeah.
Speaker 3
14:28
So, okay, so it's coming. So the intimacy factor of course, and then sense of communication sense of humor. sense of humor is huge for me. It's like, good Martin. I get each other. We have our little like, just yo gamma, gamma peanut butter and jelly. Like we have our own like code words. I just think being really supportive. And I'll say this, because I don't know how long this podcast can allow you to as long you know, I don't say this without being emotional. But when you lose As a parent, and then you lose two.
15:04
Right? And Heidi has and I've lost both. And Martin has been there and I are both tragedies and I actually fell in love with him a lot more.
15:24
Oh, we all know listen, there's no crying in baseball, there's no crying and podcasting.
Speaker 3
15:32
Okay, no, he's only child and so I read and I did not know that honestly until Mark told me Yeah, you were in so the man that you say, fell in love with your husband all over I did when my when I lost my dad. It was just my mom and I and he took care of so many things and it just is felt really good to be able to just rely on somebody and then I lost my mom a couple months ago and he was in the room when she passed and I had to walk out. And he stood in the room to take care of all the paperwork and the details and how can you not love somebody like that? How can you?
16:24
Just, it's amazing.
16:25
Thank them. Your mom was amazing.
Speaker 3
16:28
Yeah, but I just so I feel like you know, listen, he drives me crazy. I didn't go on that side. I can wipe my tears and go he drives me crazy. There are things that he does and I'm like, Are you kidding me? Like, I'm pretty sure. Pretty sure I do the same for him. But I think it's a roller coaster. But how do you guys get through those times? We are so strange. He's
17:01
not you know, I think, honestly,
Speaker 2
17:03
I think I've always said that there's four main factors in a relationship main. Okay, there's other things and I would say
17:11
no, these
Speaker 2
17:12
Yes, you do. And I told you it's, I would say it's trust, communication, friendship and respect. And all four equal and all four important without with a breakdown one of those you've lost that chain. And, you know, the sex look, once you're in your 80s and 90s, you know, that goes away sometimes. So, I know but, but there's, there's those four. There's four, those four things without without those four, one of those four things, the relationship breaks down. Do you feel like you need to have all all those four things to make a successful marriage work like that you've you've had, I would say so. Yeah, all the time.
17:54
Well, now okay. But that's what I'm asking you feel like you need to have those all the time. already feel like?
18:02
Like, I don't think they happen all the time, honestly. Because if trust is broken, if trust is broken, it's hard to ever repair that. Depends on the level of break, I would say.
18:15
Would you say?
Speaker 3
18:19
And you know, honestly, it goes back to when you asked when Martin was mentioning the four fundamentals again, and Heidi, when you said, at the same time, or all of the time, I mean, I don't know, I'm asking you guys because you I think you're a great example for people who are having a great marriage. Well, thank you. I mean, we definitely, we definitely have our challenges. Of course, I do feel honestly, like, I feel like we have a really great marriage and relationship and we do appreciate each other and, you know, I mean, I don't like to boast about a lot. No, and I'm very proud of how far we've come. I mean, we really do have. We do we do, I think really good marriage,
19:08
and I really appreciate that. It's a struggle. It's because you both have to it's like there are also struggles with the relationship. So how do you guys get through those struggles that like, do you okay? Drinking?
Speaker 1
19:22
How do you do the struggles? And also do you think people give up too easily nowadays?
Speaker 3
19:27
Hmm. Those are good questions. I can tell you just for example, the other the other week, so, you know, we
19:37
don't know where you're going.
Speaker 3
19:40
Like, so mark, and I were very lovey dovey, he and I don't know something happened and it was probably like, I don't know, like,
19:50
the kids or something would driving us crazy. And I walked in. I'm like, how did I just love you? Yesterday, and I can't stay dude.
20:02
And he goes, I was just thinking the same thing. Like, you're a bastard
20:09
bitch. Okay, love you Good night. And that was it but like you because it's so up and down, right?
Speaker 2
20:16
I think anyone who's real and says, hey, look, if they're honest and they say, I've never had if if they say I've never had a bad day in my marriage, I'm like you've been married a day, because anyone who's been married a long time know that it life sometimes gets in the way, you know, moods, stress, whatever, and it affects your marriage, the outside factors inside factors. So, it but you know, I think everyone who's honest will say that, yeah, they've had good days and bad,
20:49
right? Absolutely. I mean, absolutely. So if you guys were giving advice, or giving advice, you know, before we wrap up this podcast to people out there and couples out there What advice would you guys give? Not to listen to Martin?
Speaker 2
21:07
I would give a few things of advice. One, I would say don't forget to date your wife or date your spouse. That's a good one. I would say don't take timeout. Remember? She was your girlfriend before she was your wife. So date. So
21:22
let me before she was the mother of your kids,
Speaker 2
21:24
right, right and go on vacations alone. And I always say I want to go on vacation. It's just her and I, I'm leaving the wife behind. I'm bringing my girlfriend because my girlfriend is a lot more fun. She's not the mother of my children. She's not responsible. She's fun. You know, so we have a good time. You
Speaker 3
21:46
know, I love that. But that's true. And I will say that Martin. He treats me completely. I really do feel that way like Reagan is in the room, so I can't be completely Reagan is there eautiful beautiful 14 year old daughter who's just waiting on Can you walk away for just a second backup
22:08
backup backup backup.
22:11
Martin and I try even if it's because we do a lot of traveling together but do fun things sometimes.
22:32
So you're saying it's very important to also that like even when the even when the kid even when you're with the kids to always remember that you guys are you know each other's partner right? Yeah and he he definitely and for me he treats me like his girlfriend in a really nice fun way like, I don't buy my own shoes or my purses he loves to spoil me and I love that about him like the joy Yeah, actually most of our purchases I bought for
23:03
Oh, yeah, I don't think it makes sense. It is not even that it's just the fact that he, if he dates he still, he dates me still and we do go on date nights. It's not as often as we'd like, but we still go out. And I think that's really important for a marriage is you got to go out. You got to still date your partner and like what you were seeing when he is that you have to treat his wife, girlfriend, boyfriend. Let's go.
23:38
Yeah, let's have fun.
23:39
And you don't even have to have a huge bank account. No, no, like if you know you can make dinner for your mother. Can you take out the trash and that tells oh, that makes us go to the movies. Go for a walk.
Speaker 1
23:57
Go for a bike ride. I didn't have to hound you It's a dish wash showing your spouse and I don't mean to put words in your guys's mouth, but you guys are saying that it's showing your spouse or your partner or your partner that you care about them and you love them.
24:13
Yeah that yeah that I recognize that you can't stand to take out the dishes.
Speaker 3
24:20
So I'm gonna do it for you tonight. And, and I don't expect anything for it. And good night sweetheart. I love you. Or how about this? You looks beautiful.
Speaker 1
24:33
Right? I have to say even those you know what because sometimes Yeah, you've been with someone for so long you forgot to you forget those
Speaker 3
24:41
comments or and I think for men with women is a little bit different because we're more like we want like the dishwasher emptied. We want like the actions with men. They're just more like visual. It's like I work on free tonight.
25:04
And then like Really?
25:06
Wow, fine.
Speaker 2
25:09
But honestly, if you if you say that to a guy, Hey, you, you look good today, is it Well, hey, they perk up. Yeah, they perk up and they're like, you know, you can think of for the dishes and he's gonna be like, okay, yeah, no worries.
25:22
No, but I want you to like, Don't tell me how pretty is that the new code?
Speaker 2
25:30
No, but if you tell the guy, you look, right, you look nice. A lot of times guess we always think of women. Do you say that to women. But honestly, if you say to a guy means a lot to Wow. So you know, you say that. You asked another idea. And it doesn't really apply to high tonight because we've always kind of been on the same page when it comes to money. But I've talked to some of my friends who when they talk about money, and how much Oh gosh, you spent so much money. I usually give this one advice and it sounds weird, but I tell them you know what this What you need to do, give her cash or give her you know, a special checking account where
26:08
no I am. story on this actually I was on the newscast. Yeah. And I was on the news. Yeah.
Speaker 2
26:14
And and I was like look like when we first started I said three things that I only want to see on the credit card food, fuel and French manicures. Those are the three things. I don't want to see anything else because we were living really tight. I was a prosecutor, and everyone talks about teachers making very little money and they do. But I was a prosecutor just don't make a lot of money. I made less than her. So, yeah, that was like my claim. years ago.
26:43
But one of the things clearly things have changed.
Speaker 2
26:46
But one of the things I tell them is, give her whatever 200 500,000 whatever you feel comfortable you can do If you're like, but what I'm saying is these guys I'm talking to are telling me that their wives always come in. They're complaining to me that their wives spend money. So I said, Give her a budget of cash. But then you know what? You can't tell her what to spend the money on. She can do anything with it, she can do anything. She wants to buy a purse, that's her money. You have no right to say now that just by the, the credit cards for the food and fuel, you know, whatever, just that you need to be on the same page. So you asked me about like, yeah, some general advice?
Speaker 1
27:37
Definitely. I mean, because finances honestly are the biggest right is the number one cause of divorce or breakup. So that
Speaker 3
27:44
Yeah, yeah, very curious about the people that clearly have separated checking accounts or separated, you know, savings accounts. Like that's confusing to me.
Speaker 1
27:58
Well, that's a whole that's how whole other podcast so let me ask you guys this though in closing, please will the Hernandezes be on other podcasts when we do discuss these issues? Because I think people would love to have you guys weigh in serene.
Speaker 1
28:14
So promise me right now as you were the host Absolutely. Thank you. Thank you so much you guys for listening to Trailblazer. We're actually at Martin and Heidi Hernandez is home. Martin Hernandez, a very prominent attorney in Tampa. Heidi Hernandez of course the CEO of the family also a very inspiring woman. She has masters and a lot of great great friend of mine she's also one of those moms that I'm always rely on. You can always listen to my you can follow me on many social media platforms, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, I also have a blog SarinaFazan.media and of course, this podcast. Thank you so much for listening and watching everybody. We'll see you later.